Give to Receive: How a Selfish Act Made Me a More Generous Person

Growing up, I loved receiving gifts.

For one thing, I loved the feeling of getting something new. That rush of dopamine was quite a feeling. For another, I loved feeling thought of. It made me feel special to know others spent their valuable time and money on me.

Here's what was unique about my experience: I loved the feeling of receiving gifts so much that I started giving birthday and Christmas gifts to friends and relied on the law of reciprocity to kick in. I figured this would lead to receiving more gifts myself.

Giving was only the means for me to receive. And when I did receive gifts, it was such an ego boost and made me feel good about myself. It was pure selfishness and it played a major role in shaping me into the person I am today, because in a bizarre plot twist, the very practice of buying gifts for others made me a more thoughtful and generous person.

You can never acquire happiness without giving of yourself to someone else without the expectation of getting something back.

John Wooden

There are two ways this happened:

It became easier to identify the needs of others.

In conversations with friends, I started picking up on their interests or their needs for a particular something, and I made mental notes to file away. I wasn't just going to the mall and buying the first thing I saw. I found myself thinking what my friends would truly enjoy or appreciate based on our conversations. I unwittingly began practicing the art of thoughtfulness.

I got satisfaction from making others feel special.

It was nice to see people's reaction once I gave them a gift. They felt cared about, thought of. Over time, I stopped caring about how their impression of me improved or how the chances of my receiving a gift increased. I was pleased to discover the joy of being a blessing to others.

It's important to point out that being a generous person doesn't mean you have to spend loads of cash. Even a small gift, like getting a greeting card for your spouse on the way home from work or buying coffee for a coworker having a rough day, can be a thoughtful gesture that goes a long way.

It's also important to note that money doesn't have to be spent at all. Being generous with your time, as in spending quality time with others or doing something helpful for them, is an even more valuable gift.

Cultivating generosity can greatly enrich both personal and professional relationships. It can help you identify "pain points" and contribute to solving such issues.

Give of yourself—your time, your resources, your skills—without expecting anything in return. Do it without expecting anything in return. You end up receiving so much more.

Cover photo by Kostiantyn Li / Unsplash